Razorblade Kiss
by NNValo666
Summary: Ville & Bam are in love with each other. Neither of them know, but they finally come out. I do not own anything by the band HIM or anything of Bam, this is purely fiction. Slashfic, Male/Male, BL.
1. Part 1: In Love and Lonely

Razorblade Kiss

A Ville Valo Bam Margera Love Story

Part 1:

*In Love And Lonely*

Of course as usual Bam has women all over him. I don't know what it is that came over me but. I was hurt.

_"Maybe I've been around Bam to long.", _I thought to myself. But then again, there has always been something about him that I was attracted to. Bam and Jenn had just broken up finally. And I flew out here to spend time with Bam to help him drown out his sorrows. But he'd prefer to surround himself with women. Getting discusted I went outside for a smoke.

"Hey man why'd you come out here?", Dunn asked walking out the door. "It's frezzing cold."

"Heh. I'm used to it and I just needed some air.", I sorta lied.

"Soo.. You getting annoyed at Bam?", he asked.. He knew I liked Bam.. Dunn was always the first to pick up on these things. I nodded.

"Yeah.. I don't know but.. For some reason I just get jelouse when he is around women.", I said. Dunn nodded lighting a cig of his own.

"Yeah it's ok though man. I mean he is bound to figure out how you feel sooner or later.", he said. I giggled.

"Yeah maybe.. You know Bam as well as I do. He can be obliviouse about anything for long periods of time. I doubt he will notice anytime soon.", I said... Dunn nodded to that. While standing there finnishing our cigs Bam popped his head out the door.

"Ohh! There you are!", he sounded releaved. "I was looking for you two. I thought you both left."

"Nahh just came out for a smoke.", I said.

"Why it's freezing cold.", Bam said holding his arms.

"We wanted some air.", Dunn said. Bam nodded.

"Ok well when you're done just come back in and get me.", he said. We nodded. Bam went back inside as Dunn and I finnished our cigarettes.

"So Dunn,.. When do you think Bam will figure it out?", I asked. Dunn shrugged.  
"I don't know.", he said. I nodded. "_Of course I would get that answer." _We went back inside and got Bam. And we left. Shockingly he didn't bring home any girls tonight. Dunn drove home as Bam layed in the backseat tired. Using my lap as a pillow I carefully moved Bam's hair from his face. Gently strokeing his cheek with my hand. His cheek soft on my fingers. His eyes slowly closed to my touch soothing him. I grinned to myself. We made it back to the house. Dunn turned off the hummer and got out to unlock the house to get in. I carefully shook Bam to wake him from his slumber so we could go inside. He stirred then noticed we were home. He got up and we got out of the hummer. I shut the door and we walked to the house.

"Night Bam. ", I said walking torwards my room as we got in.

"Ville wait.", Bam caught my arm. I turned to face him. A little shocked my face slightly flushed.

"Yeah?", I asked.

"Will you stay in my room with me please? I want to talk to you.", he sounded a little upset. Or even embarresed. I nodded.

"Uh yeah sure.", I was a little surprized. We walked up to his room. I took off my jacket and shoes, hat and other accesories. Bam just got undressed down to his boxers. I got undressed to my pants.

"Ville make yourself comfortable. It wouldn't be the first time I've seen you in your boxers before.", he made a point. I nodded. I took off my pants too and then sat on the bed.

"So what did you want to talk about?", I asked a little curiose. He let out a long sigh.

"I really don't know what's wrong with me anymore.", He started. His voice cracked. He was faceing the opposite way of me. Leaning forward face in his hands. I moved closer to him and sat next to him. He has tears slideing down his cheek. Something not even I have seen. "After catching Jenn, and all the bullshit she pulled, I don't know why I can't just, stop this." I was confused.

"Stop what?", I asked.

"Drinking binge, banging a girl every night, constant partying.", he named a few. "I can't even think strait to skate anymore!" he pointed out the window to his ramps outback.

"Bam, do you think you might regret it and still love her?", it pained me to ask.

"HA! Yeah fucking right.. It's many other reasons.", he mummbled.

"Like what?", I asked. He turned away. I didn't press it any longer. Seeing Bam in this state, I wanted so badly to kiss his lips. He sat there, it seemed as if he was hideing something from me. I placed my hand on his sholder. "Remember Bam I've known you for a long time. You can tell me anything" I grinned trying to help. He nodded giving a small smile.

"Yeah I know.. Well lets hit the sack huh?", he asked. I looked to him our gazes met. I nodded. We got under the covers and fell asleep. During the night I didn't notice but I turned and my hand lay across his chest. I swore I felt his hand hold mine for awhile.

The next morning:

I woke up Bam still asleep. I smiled and carefully got out of bed. I grabbed my cloths putting only my pants on and left the room. I went to my room took a shower and changed into clean cloths. Replaceing the beanie on my head I walked out of my room back to Bam's. I carefully walked in to see Bam gone, but the shower running. I walked in and shut the door. I walked over to the bathroom door and I heard Bam sobbing. I gently knocked on the door. He didn't hear.

"Bam.", I called gently.

"Y-yeah! hold on a second.", he said trying to hold in sobs. _"Whats wrong?"_ I thought. He calmed down and let me in. I walked in and sat on the counter of the sink. Bam's shower curtain being see through I could almost see him. I blushed a little and started to get hard. I tried to block it out of my mind. I wanted to know why Bam is so depressed.

"Bam.... I know you were..", I stopped..

"Ville please.. Don't tell anyone you heard that.", he said..

"I'm not.. But.. I would appreaciate it if you would let me in.", I said "I mean.. You've been keeping me in the dark about everything.. And I'm so worried."

"Because I don't want to burden you. It's my problem. Not yours.", he said. I knew this but still it hurt.

"I know but I would at least like to try and help. Bam you know I've always been here. I've always helped you. Why aren't you letting me now?", I asked a little frustraited.

"Ville please just leave it alone.", he was stern. "I don't want to talk about it so just shut it up." I was a little hurt. I got up and walked out. I slammed the door and went downstairs and outside. I pulled out my pack of cigarettes and lit one while walking to fast eddy's casino.

Bam's POV:

Every question Ville was asking me.. I couldn't answer.. He is just my friend.. And probably would never understand how I feel. I don't want to ruin our friendship we have. Every question, the reason I was crying, is all because of him. I hate myself for surrounding myself with girls. I hate going out every night, and I especially hate that I can't have him.

"I know but I would at least like to try and help. Bam you know I've always been here. I've always helped you. Why aren't you letting me now?", he asked. I could hear some of the frustration in his voice. That beautiful voice sent shivers down my spine. I thought to myself _"Because it's about you!"_

"Ville please just leave it alone!', I was trying not to break. "I don't want to talk about it so just shut it up." I was acheing to say that. I knew he was hurt because he slammed the doors when he left. I fell to my knees crying.

"I wish I could have you, have you in my arms.", I sobbed. "And I'm sorry for being so weak." I sat in the shower for awhile calmed down and had to put on my game face. The guys would be waiting for me. Today I didn't want to drink. I got out and dressed and went down to the living room to see everyone but Ville.

"Did Ville go for a drive?", I asked.

"No all of the cars are here.", Franz said. I thought a moment. _"Where else would he go?"_

"Hmm.. Ok well Franz you and the guys just film some stuff till I get back. I'm going to look for Ville.", I said.

"Oh Ville! I saw him walking towards the woods to the Casino.", Rake said.

"How long ago?", I asked.

"Uhmm about a half an hour ago.", he said.. I nodded.

"Thanks.", I said and started out the door. I started for the woods. Going strait for Fast Eddies. I got there to see Ville sitting in the room looking out one of the windows. I walked up and in the room. He looked to me. His eyes looked puffy, like he'd been crying, and like he knew I was comming. I walked over and sat across from him. He avoided eye contact looking out the window still.

"Look Ville I'm sorry. I really am I didn't mean to treat you like that. You know your one of my best friends.", I said. "I'm truely sorry."

"I know.", he said. His voice husky as he exhailed the smoke. Sent chills up my spine. "And I understand. If it's difficult to even talk about to me. I should leave it alone. But remember I'm always here." He gave a strong grin. I smiled back glad to be forgivin. But I was curiouse.

"Ville question.", I started. He looked to me. I was looking down. "Were you crying before I got here? Just wondering cause your eyes look a little puffy."

"Oh that.", he giggled "I'd gotten something in my eye and it hurt I started to tear up but I got it out." he grinned to me. I knew he was lying. His eyeline would've been a little smeard. I let it go. But I was still wondering why he was crying.

"Well are you comming back to the house or not?", I asked. he nodded and put out his cigarette. We walked back together to get ready for the day.

Ville's POV:

As soon as I told bam I had something in my eye I could tell he knew I was lying. But I couldn't tell him the true reason. We walked back to the house to find that Franz and the boys were makeing a muck of things as usual. Soon after Bam and I joined in. Surprizingly we didn't go to the bar today. Or drink anything alcoholic. Well till Rabb wanted to go out drinking.

"Hey.. Let's go to the bar. I wanna drink!", Rabb called.

'I'm in.", Rake called.

"ARRRHHGGG RAARRHHGG ME MAYTEE WE RRRR OFF TO THE BARRR UUHAARRRUUARR!", Dico called in his First Mate costume.

"Hahaha god Dico you're not wearing that are you?", Rabb asked..

"Yeah.. Why?", he asked already getting the pegg legg ready. Rabb laughed looking down then over to Bam and I.

"So are you guy's comming tonight?", Rabb asked.

"No thank you Rabb.", I lifted my hand. "No drinking for me tonight."

"Yeah same here..", Bam said..

"Alright we'll see you guys later then.", Fanna said as they were walking out the door.

"AND DON'T TRASH ANY OF THE CARS!", Bam yelled.

"COURSE NOT!", Fanna yelled back. I giggled and sat on the couch. I pulled out my Mp3 player looking through songs.

"Ville I have a jukebox filled with like everything.", Bam laughed. I giggled.  
"I know. I was checking something was all.", I said and got back up. "So why didn't you go drinking?"

"It's getting boreing, and I need to cut back.", he said.. I laughed.

"I had a reason to have to cut back.", I said.

"Yeah and if you did die I woulda killed myself.", he said. "You're my bestest friend. Always been there for me. And one of the greatest songwriters I've ever met!" He giggled at himself. _"Not to mention madly in love with you." _I'd thought.

"Bam.. Dear Bam, I chose life and living what I love over death anyday.", I said. He looked to me.

"And where do I come in?", he asked giggling.

"You're part of my life and what I love to do.", I said. I noticed it sounded so dirty and started laughing and blushing at the same time.

"What's funny?", he asked. I also noticed he didn't notice what I had just said.

"What I love to do. Think Bammi.", I said.. He noticed and started laughing.

"Oh man.", He fell to the floor laughing. After the small laugh-fest I was wondering what to do.

"Sooo.. Bammi.. What are we going to do?", I asked "The guys just left for the bar.. and neither of us feel like drinking today."

Bam's POV:

As soon as Ville asked me my mind went blank. _"What are we going to do?" _I thought to myself. I sat there thinking of something but nothing came to mind.

"Bam... You said you couldn't focus on skateing much right?", he asked. I looked over to him and nodded.  
"Yeah...", I said.

"Then why don't you try skateing? I'll skate a little with you even though I haven't skated in a while." he laughed. I thought of Ville skateing and started to giggle.

"Yeah sure alright.", I said and got up, "Lets go out back then." He nodded and got up with me. We went outback to the ramps and right where I left it my board, it lay on the ground. I was so frustraited that day, when I chucked it, it landed next to the house. I picked it up and headed up the trail, Ville close behind. As we got to the ramp the other boards of course layed across the top. Ville ran up and grabbed one. I smiled watching him. I started a warm up first. Then tried what I was doing the other day before. I noticed Ville watching me intently sitting on the board he had picked. Rolling side to side I almost lost concentration. But of course the slight loss made me fall.

"Whoa!", I yelled and fell.

"Bam!", Ville called. I looked up to see him slideing down and running towards me. "Are you alright?" he asked breathless. He was lifting me up. I sat up fully after being pulled up.

"Yeah.", I said looking around for my board. Ville looked releaved.

"God Bammi I swear you're gonna give me a heartattack one of these days.", He laughed. "What distracted you?"

_"You...", _I'd thought. "I don't know. I saw something and for that split second I fell." I laughed lying. _"I wonder if he noticed I was stairing at him."_ Ville nodded.

"Hmm well.. Just try it again you were doing great!", He said. I blushed a little.

"Y-yeah.", I said. I got up and Ville handed me my board and then ran back onto the top of the ramp. He took His place again and I nodded. I dropped in starting my line and continued. As I looped back around to the same spot I crashed I made it. Looking at Ville the whole time I was shocked. Ville stood clapping.

"Yeay Bammi!", He called giggling. I came to a stop and started laughing looking up to him. He smiled his smile that always made my day.

"So you gonna drop in anytime soon?", I asked. He looked at me.

"Remember it's been awhile.", he said. I nodded,

"I know.", I said. He got the board set up and dropped in. He came down and stopped right next to me.

"Ready for some random skateing?", he asked.

"Heeyy that's my line!", I called. He giggled and started ahead of me. We skated for awhile not getting bored of it. The whole time I thought. "_What if he feels the same?... What if I can tell him and he won't look at me different?" _We finnished the line then went back to the house. Ville was right about one thing, After skateing my mind was cleared. And I was able to practice again. As we made it back to the house, everyone was still out. We went and took showers then went to talk some more.

"So Bam from earlier... I was wondering.. Could you give me some sort of insite?", he asked. I sighed. And I thought a moment. _"No don't bring it up. Just leave it be."_

"Ville I think everything has resolved itself.", I smiled. Though I could hear my heart breaking.


	2. Part 2: Vampire Heart

Razorblade Kiss

A Ville Valo Bam Margera Love Story

Part 2:

*Vampire Heart*

Ville's POV:

It's been awhile sence Bam and I last spoke. I've been home in Finland with the guys. We just finnished a show at Tavastia now breaking down the equipment. My phone went off. Knowing Bam's song he chose for it and his name and picture comming up. I stopped a moment and answered.

"Hello?", I asked.

"Heyy where are you?", he asked. Confused I asked.

"What do you mean?", I asked putting the phone on my sholder so I could finnish packing.

"I'm at your appartment and you're not home.", he said. My eyes widend.

"When did you get here?", I asked.

"I caught a flight a few hours ago. I just got here. It was supposed to be a surprize.", he laughed. I blushed smileing slightly.

"B-bam, my spare key is under the mat. Grab it and let yourself in... I'll be home in a few minutes.", I said.

"Kay, see you soon then.", he said and we hung up. I quickly rushed getting everything done.

"God what's got you in a rush?", Linde asked.

"I have to hurry and get home.", I said.

"You weren't rushing before. What's with it now?", he asked.

"Bam just got here and I didn't know he was comming!", I laughed.

"Ohh.. Go..", Linde said. I stopped halfway wrapping the wires.

"What?", I asked. Linde looked at me.

"Go... Go to him. I'll finnish up here.", he said. I slightly blushed.

"N-no I can help.", I said continuing. As I finnished the wire about to pick up the other one he grabbed my arm.

"Go.. I will finnish up. If the others ask I'll just say someone possibly broke in and that's why you left. Mige already knows anyways so just go.", he said. I blushed even more and nodded. I hugged Linde.

"Kiitos.", I said and ran for the door. As I got to the door I quickly put on my jacket. I ran home quickly careful not to slip on the ice. I made it to my appartment and ran into the elavator. I stood to catch my breath searching for my inhailer takeing two hits from it then putting it away and hitting the button for my floor. I took a few more deep breaths and made it to my floor. I walked up the hall to my appartment and let myself in to see Bam sitting at the dineing room table eating some cereal looking at a magazine I was previously in.

"Hey!", I called. He turned.  
"Hey! Sorry I kinda went through the kitchen.", he giggled. "I was hungry."

"No problem.", I said raising a hand. His face went from a smileing smirk to a slight sadness. He looked to the Magazine he had been previously looking at. I remembered which magazine it was and my face went down. I was a little embarrased. But why was Bam sad? I was confused. And why should I be embarresed? He dosn't know how I feel about him. But something was wrong. And again I knew Bammi wouldn't tell me. Bam finnished his cereal and took the bowl to the kitchen and rinsed it out.

"Soo.. Bammi, why'd you come out here?", I asked " And did the others come with you?" I was a little scared on that last one.

"Well I was bored and the others were annoying me and I wanted to hang with you. I haven't seen you in a little over a month. And also I wanted to see the others.", he said. I nodded.

"Well the others are probabally on their way home.", I said "We just finnished a show at the club."

"Oh thats cool! Yeah just see if they wanna hang tomorrow then.", Bam said. I nodded again. I felt a little uneasy. Bam kept looking at the mag. A hint of sadness on his face about my tabloid.

"That is all untrue. I was haveing lunch with an old friend.", I started. Bam and I were sitting in the living room now. "We'd run into each other the other day and we set up a day to have lunch." _"Why am I explaining this? He probabaly dosn't care!"_

"Ohh Whew!", he said. I was surprized. "I thought for a moment you really started dateing again!." he giggled "You and Jonna broke up right before Jenn and I did." I thought a moment then went along with it.

"Yeahh.", I laughed "Anyways I wouldn't date her. She was just a school friend. She lived right up the road from me when we were kids so it would be kinda weird anyways." Bam nodded smileing again.

"Sooo what to do?", he asked. I thought.

"We could go see how Juska is. He has the Club running tonight. Its not that far just a walk.", I said.

"You mean the underground club?", he asked I nodded.

"Yeah.", I said.

"I'm in!", he called.. I giggled and we got ready to go.

Bam's POV:

While waiting for Ville to return home was a little nerve racking. My stomache growled so I went to his kitchen. _"He wouldn't mind. I mean we are always shareing everything right?"_ I thought. I grabbed a bowl and washed it out. Looked for a box of cereal and made myself a bowl. I went to the dineing room table and sat down. I looked over to see a magazine with Ville on it. It showed pictures of him and another woman. They were haveing lunch. I was a little sad. _"Is he really dateing again?"_ I thought to myself. I tried to shake it but, for some reason I couldnt. Finally when Ville came home I was releaved but at the same time still a little upset from the mag. Of course he explained. And I believe him. He decided on going to the club that Juska the old keyest owns. I went along of course.

"Hey Bammi are you sure that jacket will be enough to keep you warm?", he asked. I looked down at what I was wearing.

"I doubt it but I'll survive.", I said..

"No no.", Ville said and went to his room. He came back out with his knitted jacket. "Wear that believe me you'll be warm." he giggled. He was already wearing a longsleve shirt a blazer and a black hoodie ontop of that with his scarf and beanie. I nodded and took it and put it on over my blazer. He nodded approval and we left. We walked a few blocks then made it to the entrance.

"Heyy! Ville haven't seen you here ina while!", Teemu said.

"Hey Tee. Juska is working tonight right?", he asked. Tee nodded yes.

"Yeah he is inside now. You and Bam go in he should be right at the bar still. If not go to the back and check the office.", he said. Ville nodded and we went in. And of course as we went in Pluto was sitting right there on the end.

"Zoltan!", Ville called. One of Juska's many nicknames.

"Ville! How are you?", he asked hugging him. "And Bam!" he gave me a hug as well.

"I'm quite fine actually.", Ville giggled.

"I'm good, how about you?", I asked.

"I'm fine actually. Just doin my job.", he giggled.

"Still playing the piano?", Ville joked.

"Of course. It is still one of my many passions.", he smiled. His beeper went off. "Oh well you two have a great night I have to go finnish some paper work." he smiled and walked off. Ville and I both smiled and took off our jackets leaveing them behind the bar with the bartender Aaria. We went out to the floor and danced a bit just letting go. As a joke I grinded up on Ville from behind when he wasnt paying attention he laughed and started to grind on me. I knew I was starting to get hard and pulled away and danced some more. When I was caught off guard Ville did it back to me. I jokeingly backed into him kinda on purpose too. We were grinding on each other a bit till he pulled away. I was confused. Normally when we did this he went longer then me.

_"Is he... ", _I thought. I shook it out of my head. We raved awhile longer then went and got some drinks.

"Hey Aaria the usual.", he said. Aaria nodded and poured 2 glasses. he handed one to me.

"Thanks.", I said. takeing it. I took a sip, and it was sweet. I looked to Ville who giggled.

"Not used to sweet things are you?", he asked.

"It's not that,", I started. "It's just I didn't expect the usual to be this.", I said. He giggled more.

"Well the level isnt that high as what we normally drink in america. And I can have like 5 and be fine.", he said. I nodded. But then again he did have a higher tolerance for it. For me, it was sweet but drinking like 10 of them with a shot of JD in like 3 of them was a bad idea.

Later that night:

"Common Bammi.", Ville's voice purred.

"Awwllzz! I wanted to dance more!", I protested drunk and burbing.

"No no Bammi. Let's get you back to my place.", he said.

"Hehehe.. Your place.", I giggled not thinking strait.

Ville's Pov:

As I finally got Bam and myself back to my appartment Bam started acting weird. We were now standing in the elevator.

"Bam.. Bammi..", I called "Are you about to get sick?" I was worried Bam went limb. I held him close then surprizingly he kissed me. Something I've always wanted but, I couldn't. I pulled away after returning the kiss then helped Bammi to the appartment. As we got inside I shut and locked the door took off my jacket and other accesories.

"Ville why'd you push me away?", he asked I looked at him.

"Whoat?", I asked. I was so confused.

"You pushed me away when I kissed you.. It's because I'm a guy isn't it!", he yelled.

"Bam you're drunk.", I said then noticed what he'd said. "And what?"

"The reason you don't love me more then a friend is because I'm a guy isn't it!", he was a little upset. I was taken aback. _"Dose Bam feel the same? Did he just tell me... That he loved me?", _I thought. I was looking at Bam, his eyes were starting to tear up.. I know he was drunk but so badly I wanted to kiss him again. I walked over to him and roughly pulled him into a kiss. He returned but wanted more licking my lip. Kissing him now our toungs intwined his taste so sweet. I wanted more of him. I took off the jackets he was wearing and we continued. We made out a bit more then ended up in my room. After a few moments we landed on my bed. Bam ontop of me, grinding on me. I started to get hard it felt so good. Kissing him, I moaned in his mouth, my hand exploring his chest. He moaned at my touch. I turned Bam now under me. Bam looked up at me surprized, as I did back. He then pulled me back to him, our lips smashing together. I started to kiss down to his jaw then collar bone, gently nibbleing his neck he lightly moaned. I started to grin to my success but I also knew I couldn't continue much longer. Bam's hand trailing down my neck to my sholder, then down my chest. I shivered at his touch. Then I realized where his hand trailed too. He started to rub my erection through the denim. It felt so good I couldn't help but to let out a moan. I bit a little harder makeing Bam moan. I don't know what it was but I started kissing down his neck pulling his shirt up kissing his chest. I went down further and further. As I got to his pants seeing the bulge he had I gently rubbed it.

"Ohh fuck!.", he arched his back. I evily smiled to it. I started to unbutton his pants undoing the zipper. His erection starting to peek out of his boxers. I got up and went back to Bam kissing his lips, his tounge licking my bottom lip. We started makeing out again a few moments till I went and bit his ear gently nibbling it. My breath slowly yet roughly breathing down his ear and neck. I felt him on my leg. I grinned a little then trailed my hand down to him. I grasped his hard erection strokeing it. Bam moaned every stroke I made. After nibbling on his ear I started to lick down to his neck. He moaned even more. I started kissing down his chest again now makeing it to his erected cock in my hand. I started licking him, and teasing him. "Oh god!", he breathed. Then I started to suck him. He moaned and arched his back his body spasming. I started to deep throat him and his body spasmed more. I pulled away strokeing him still. I looked up at him he seemed embarrased a little but still moaning. After a few more minutes he grabbed my hand and pulled me to him.

Our lips again smashing together, his hand trailing down my chest to my shirt pulling it up. I sat up pulling it all the way off. He touched my chest his fingers warm. Our bodies heating up. He started trailing down again to my pants unbuttoning them. His hand now on my erection strokeing it as I had done him I couldn't help but moan. Bam flipped so I was now under him again. Still kissing me he went down and started to kiss my neck, down my chest to my erected cock. He started to tease me as I did him. It felt so good I moaned his name. After he started sucking and deep throating. My body spasming, feeling slightly embarrased. Feeling exposed somewhat. After a bit Bam came back up kissing me again this time I was begging for it. I knew I had to stop it soon. Bam was still drunk out of his mind and I would've felt as if I were takeing advantage of him. We went on a bit more till I stopped him.

"Bam.. I know you want more and so do I but you're drunk. We must stop.", I said. He looked at me. He nodded in agreenment. I grinned and kissed him again him kissing back. I went and got changed handing Bam some cloths as well. He went and got changed too. We got into bed because he didn't want to leave my room. I turned on the Telli putting on the music channel. Bam cuddled with me, my arm wrapped around him. the comferter covering us together. I fell asleep happy that night.

Bam's Pov:

I woke up with a headache, trying to figure out what had happened the night before. I realized that there were arms around me. I carefully lifted my head that felt like 1000 pounds. I saw Ville holding me, my arm around him. I started to think but it was too much my head hurt so much I fell onto Ville's chest with and "Omph!" accidentally wakeing Ville.

"Hmm, what?", he asked looking to me. "Bammi are you ok?" I carefully shook my head.

"No my head hurts and I can't remember anything.", I said slightly lying.

"Awwl hold on.", he got up and walked into the bathroom and came back with 2 advil. He handed them to me and then walked out the door. A few moments he came back with a cup of water.

"Thanks.", I said takeing the cup from him. I took the pills drinking them down with the water. I layed back down for a moment to let my headache subside.

"What would you like for breakfast?", Ville asked. I looked at him.

"Do you know how much of a wreck your kitchen is?", I asked wide eyed. He giggled and looked down and back up to me.

"I meant like going out for breakfast.", he said.

"O-Oh..", I blushed slightly. "Uhh yeah sure sure." He giggled shakeing his head getting up and going to his closet. He grabbed some cloths then started for the bathroom.

"Are you getting a shower?", he asked. I sat there a moment dumbfounded of what he just said. I realized what he said fast then nodded.

"Yeah yeah just letting my headache go away before I make any fast movements.", I said. He nodded. He seemed to believe it I mean I did still have a slight headache and when you have a headache you do doze off a bit. He went into the bathroom and started the shower. I got up and went to the guest room and got my cloths out and took a quick shower myself. While in the shower I started to think back to last night. Most of my memory blurred I almost couldn't remember how I got home. Trying to remember without giving myself a headache again I only got what looked like patches of everything that happened. Stumbling back, kissed Ville in the elevator. I blushed as I rememebred that one. I started to get other patches of us in the living room, I was yelling and then he was kissing me. I blushed even more. More and more patches came back to me, I almost didn't believe that it happened with everything in the bedroom. I just shook it out of my mind. I was drunk and maybe my head was playing tricks on me. I nodded that to be it and finnished my shower. I got out and dressed and went out into the living room. Ville was still in his room. I peeked in he was still only in his towel. I blushed and quickly looked away. Knowing it would be wrong I still carefully looked in. He started to get dressed taking off the towel revealing his manhood I almost couldn't help myself. I looked away again before getting a hard-on and went and sat on the couch.

Moments later after waiting Ville came out ready to go. Of course in his blazer, regular jeans, converse shoes, and his signature beanie. With some eyeliner as well.

"You ready to go?", he asked I nodded and got up. We left and went to a nearby Diner for breakfast. We talked about the new upcomming album and video Ideas.. I listened to him but for some reason those peices of my memory kept comming back. I almost didn't catch what he finnished saying. After breakfast we went to the practice Studio to meet up with the guys.

"Heyy guys we're here!", Ville called. Mige and everyone came out into the larger area of the small space they were sitting.

Bam!", Mige called pulling me into a hug.

"Bad Bad Mizee!", I called hugging him back. "Hows the trouble making clown?"

"Doing well.", he pulled a smile. I laughed and went to the next one.

"And Gas! How's the wife and you're little baby girl?", I asked. He nodded.

'Very well. Here's a picture I've been meaning to give you.". he said handing me a picture of his daughter.

"Awll she's so cute.", I said looking at it. I pulled out my wallet and placed it in there with my other pictures. Linde gave me a hug and silently said his hellos and sat down and lastly Burton who was enjoying his beer. We all sat and chit-chatted for a bit then the guys began practicing.

Awhile Later:

After Ville and the guys finnished practiceing it was late in the noon. Ville and I decided to go back and chill at the appartment. While talking with the guys earlier I had learned he was planning on moving into a beautiful tower that was used in the war. When we got back to the appartment I asked him more about that.

"So Ville where is the tower?", I asked.

"Well it's still in Helsinki, it's just in another district.", he said. I nodded.

"I'd like to see it.", I said smiling looking up to him shyly from where I was sitting. He looked to me back and gave the same look. I don't know what it was that came over me but, I wanted him. The memory from the night before was all back to me and I knew it happened. I knew I was the one who admitted to him I was in love with him. And I knew he loved me the same.


	3. Part 3: Pretending

Razorblade Kiss

A Ville Valo Bam Margera Love Story

_*Pretending*_

Ville's Pov:

It's almost been a month sense Bam came to visit. He was still here and helped me move to my tower, that I finally bought after saving up so much to get it. We set up my room the floor before the top room of the tower. Up that hall back towards the stairs was my painting room and then my "Office" room. The other rooms will either be set up as guest rooms or something for storage. We've almost finished the placing of things and unpacking. We decided to take a break and relax for a bit.  
"Ahhh..", Bam let out sitting down on the couch. "I need a drink." I giggled and went to the kitchen grabbing two sodas.  
"Here", I handed him the Coke. He nodded thanks taking it and downing it almost within seconds. I shook my head at him. "Pchh..."  
"What?", he asked giving me the "What" look. I shook my head looking to him, our eyes connecting. I pursed my lips. His hair was combed back with a headband helping hold it out of the way. My hair was the same way too. His face changed to a nervous expression and he finished the rest of his drink. I quickly looked away from him taking a sip of my own. After a few silent moments Bam got back up. "Let's finish up here!" Before I could say anything he was already up and down the hall.

Ever since everything came out in the open a few days prior he had been acting weird. I was sad that he had started pushing himself away again after everything but I started to think maybe he still needs some time. Then again he might've changed his mind. I didn't want to just sit there while some skank or slut got him. I mean though it's selfish of me, but I want him to myself. And I know he is probably worried about his image but so far I've been risking it all for him. And if I can I think he can too.

A Few Days Prior:  
Bam's POV:

I had just woken up and took a shower. After I was done I put on a pair of boxers and went out to the kitchen to get something to eat. As I walked out there Ville was cooking. A few days ago I helped out and cleaned his whole kitchen. I found over a 100 cans and bottles of beer, well more then 100 and I know I helped make that mess. I found trash that'd been there for more than a year. And I did all of the dishes that he'd been missing in his cabinets. I kept thinking of the beginning of the month when I showed up here. Day one, I get here to go out to the club and get shit-faced. Admit my feelings for Ville to only find out that he also loved me back. And almost... Lost my ass virginity.  
I wanted to talk to him about it but I was so scared to bring it up. I thought maybe he would but he never did. He was cooking eggs with bacon and hash browns. I didn't want to bring it up but I knew I had to. I wanted it out in the open and clear, but at the same time I didn't. Then I spoke without thinking;

"Ville about what happened a few weeks ago...", I stopped. He turned to look at me. His eyes were wide and almost like he felt bad. _"Shit I knew it was a bad idea!"_ I'd thought. Then his face changed. He gave a small grin and walked over to me leaning against the counter behind him, and kissed me. I hadn't expected it, it had shocked me. I kissed him back after a moment of the shock and he depend it. We released each other's lips and he leaned his head against mine.  
"Bam, let's talk about it when I finish cooking ok, I don't think it's a good idea for me to be distracted while cooking.", he giggled "We don't need to burn the apartments down." I got what he meant and giggled.  
"Yeah sure.", I said. The humor ended in me and I went out into the living room sitting on the couch. racking it around in my head trying to figure out ways to talk about it without sounding weak or stupid. I hadn't felt like this with anyone before. But I can just remember back from when I first met him back in 2003 when I actually met them. Back when I was with Jenn. I think that is the only thing I can thank her for really, something I could really appreciate of her. Her having the balls to knock on the backstage door at the venue, and I finally meeting the band I'd been obsessing about for 3 years. And when I saw Ville's beautiful face, my heart raced. I swear after that I could've died right there and been happy. But now I don't think I could ever do that. I don't want to live without him. I came out of my memory and looked up to see Ville placing my plate in front of me.  
"Ok, about what happened a few weeks ago, I know what had happened shouldn't have. We didn't go all the way.", he said.  
"I know.", I said. "I remembered everything. You stopped before we got too far." He nodded. "I know I blurted it out that I love you, I know I kissed you the first time in the elevator." He nodded more.  
"So I'm guessing you want to just place everything down on the table?", he asked reading my mind. He looked me in the eyes. I couldn't look away. I nodded to him. He sighed. "So do you want to go first or should I?" I didn't know what to say. I sat quiet and shy. He noticed. "I'll go first. Well let's see, Let's start with the year 2004." I looked up to him. "I remember when the band and I were visiting America. You said we could stay at your place. We had a party that night and I don't know what it was but, Something about you was just out there, different from what I've seen. You were a cute drunk when you weren't already pissed off about things." he had begun.  
"But that night I saw a different side of you. It was the first time in a while I saw you happy for once. Jenn had been gone a few days and earlier on you had even speculated that she had been cheating. Everyone was so out of it, that no one noticed when you and I disappeared for awhile." When he said that I had no idea what he was talking about.

"Wait, we went away from the party for awhile?", I asked. He nodded.  
"Yeah, Everyone was out back and in the Pirate Bar. In the living room there were some people so we went inside and to the tower. You took me all the way to the top and we sat up there and talked. You cried a bit then started going on about how you wanted to break up with her. Then we got on the topic about Jonna, back when I first started dating her. I said I didn't know if she was the one because she always wanted a break and would leave for a week or so then it went for a few weeks to a month or so. Then you speculated she was cheating as well. I was believing it then because I knew how she was, especially when a few of my friends told me about some messed up stuff she did.

"And also when you had told me she tried hooking up with you that one night while I was in Cali and she went to your place thinking I was there. But back to the party. After the little pow wow about our troubles you just sat there and drank your sorrows away. I was with you on that. Then out of nowhere you just grabbed me. I didn't know what was going on but, then your lips touched mine, I almost for a moment didn't know how to react but I kissed back. That night was the first time I'd ever seen you that vulnerable. You looked too cute I just couldn't resist. We made out a few moments and sense then I'd pretty much suffered." he had ended.  
I'd sat there in my thoughts awhile and I couldn't believe it. I actually made the first move. TWICE! And that's when he started to fall. He then started to speak again.  
"I never really knew that you actually Loved me. I thought out of impulse you had kissed me, one of those things that just happen when you get drunk.", he said. I nodded. "So when did this all start for you? I know you never always had a thing for guys." he had giggled "You don't look the type." And he had a point. I sighed a deep one and began.  
"May 2000 when I first came to Finland for a skate Demo with Dunn, on the plane I kept seeing magazines with you on them and information about the band. I stole the mag and I still have it. Of course as the story goes I bought all of your albums when I got to Finland and every song I liked more after the other. Then in later years I had the spare time to finally find out what days your band was playing and went to your shows. Kind of followed you like a fucking groupie fan girl. Then in 2003 my now Ex who we both know, very well had the balls to knock on the backstage door.

"I was freaking like a fucking fan girl in my head when Seppo answered and she was all "Bam Margera from MTV is here and would like to meet the band", I had attempted a girls voice "And he was all "Ohh yeahh sure" and that was that. I thought it was like a fucking dream. That I'd wake up any moment and find out it never happened. But it did. Then when we walked in and you came out your long wavy brown hair brushed behind your ears, your eyeliner perfect still, wearing your "Your Pretty Face is Going to Hell" jacket, and your smile. I almost spazzed out like a complete bitch but I kept my composure and acted like I normally did.

"And I knew from that day on we would be best friends, but I also thought to myself that I knew we would only be friends and nothing more. And now that you tell me that I kissed you back in 04, I can't remember it but if I'm right, being that was the first time you guys came to America and stayed at my house. That night I was just stressed. I do remember what went through my mind though, while sitting there after the talking and drinking, I just kept thinking to myself "Just one kiss maybe, just maybe," but I doubted it allot and thought of not doing it but, watching you sip that beer your lips wet from the liquid. They looked almost too supple for me to resist.

"I just went for it almost without thinking. I guess I just forgot about that. Thinking that if I let my mind pry on that memory the more it would kill me inside. Then back when I had kissed you I had remembered it all because I guess the whole thing happened. And it helped jog my memory.", I giggled. Ville grinned.  
"I never knew you liked me that long. Sense the day you met me you fell in love?", he asked. "If I'd known that sooner I probably would've kicked Jenn to the curb and took you for myself." He had moved next to me. I got so shy as he did that. I turned a little and looked at him. His face was serious yet soft. He leaned in and kissed me. I kissed back deepening the kiss and we fell back onto the couch. We were both in our boxers, and while kissing he grinded up on me. He bit my lip his hands going down my body to my hips making me moan at his touch. Feeling vulnerable yet excited I kept touching his body. From his head my hand tangled in his hair, down to his neck and shoulders. Then his chest and tummy down to the lining of his boxers.

He was hard, I could feel him in between my legs hitting my erected manhood. I slipped my hand down his boxers and grasped him. He let out a huff of breath as I stroked him. He shuddered and then began nibbling my neck. It went on awhile longer till there was a knock at the door from Linde and Mige.

Present:

Ville's POV:  
We were in my bedroom still unpacking my cloths and putting them in my closets and drawers.. Bam still acting weird the whole time. I started to get depressed because I didn't want him to scare away from me. But there was something in me that wanted to touch him so badly. I wanted him, to feel him, to give him my all. I wanted him to have my all, all down to my very last shuddering breath. He was in the midst of unpacking a box and placing things on the dresser. I just stopped what I was doing. I got up and went over to him kneeling over the box taking out a few trinkets and placing them onto the floor. I wrapped my arms around him. I felt like I wanted to cry. But I had to hold the composure. I don't know what it was that drew me to him, that connection that seemed so invisible to me now. I just sat there with my arms wrapped around him leaning against the back of his neck, inhaling his scent that sent me over the edge. I kissed the back of his neck.  
"Ville?", Bam called. I ignored his call. I continued to kiss the back of his neck and to his nape. I nibbled the nape. He struggled as I did and tried to pull away. I tightened my grip more leaning over his shoulder nudging him.  
"Bam," I took a moment. "I want you." Though I didn't see it his eyes widened. His head jerked and turned towards me and looked at me.  
"V-Ville!", he was shocked. I shut my eyes and nudged against him again. We fell to the floor, my grip changing. He turned to me. I almost expected him not to. He looked me deep in the eyes. Then he kissed me. Our lips smashing the room heating up. Or I was, really fast. His hands went all over my body fast as mine did his. Our kissing rushed and needy for one another. The headbands we had been using were off fast as well as our shirts. I decided the bed was allot more suitable then the floor so I grabbed Bam and we went to the bed. I gently sat him to the bed and pushed him back to lay down. I began crawling up to him kissing from the lining of his pants. past his navel up to his chest. He was breathing deeply then fast as my lips touched his skin. My hands caressing him, gentle at the touch.  
I made it to his collarbone and sent a chill of gentle kisses, leading up to his neck. I got to his cheek and he turned to meet my lips. Now moving slow with our movements, taking everything in. Teasing one another giggling to one another. Thinking to myself everything we could tell each other. And still be as one. I wanted to make him mine and be as one. I wanted to make sure he was mine. When it got to it at least. It was almost the time. I went down and started to unbutton his pants. Slowly teasing him, pulling them off. As they came all the way off I dropped them to the floor. His manhood standing freely underneath his boxers wanting out and free. Finally able to breathe somewhat waiting to be taken out of its shell. Bam sat up and got to his knees. He pushed me back, leaning on my elbows, still on my knees.

He bent forward and began kissing me, trailing down with his tongue, leavening behind gentle kisses. He led down my chest, around my navel and then to the lining of my pants. He bit the denim fabric and pulled the bottom out of the latch. He then went and gently bit on the zipper. I got even more turned on watching him. He unzipped my pants then sat up and I let my legs stretch out from the position they were in and he pulled them off. He crawled on top of me, straddling me, our erections touching each other through the fabric. I pulled his face in to kiss him, smashing our lips and deepening our wet kiss wanting more of his taste, his scent. He was the first to make the moves. I didn't care how long he took, I would wait till he was ready for it when I would give it to him.

I was arching my back as he went on deepthroating me. My boxers were now on the floor, as I was spamming at the sensation. He continued a little while longer, finally his mouth letting go of me and returning his lips to mine still stroking me. I got a hold of his hand pushing him back, now on his back I decided to tease him how he did me. I gently rubbed against him, now he was arching his back. I kissed and bit his neck sucking gently on it leavening a mark. My mark. I went down kissing past his chest, nibbling bit by bit, making it to the lining of his boxers. I bit the lining and pulled them off with my teeth. His erected manhood standing up as they were off free from its final shell.

I dropped the boxers on the floor and began at his thighs kissing upward to his manhood. He shuddered and spasmed at my kisses, arching his back. I slowly but surely made it to his manhood licking and sucking continuing to deep throating. His body spasming more to the sensation, gripping my hair he moaned, and muttered. After the teasing and more I went back up to kiss him. After a few moments of that I pulled away to look at him in full. I knew I had to ask him.  
"Bam, are you ready?", I asked. His eyes looked almost horrified but he slowly nodded. I gave a slight grin at how cute he was. I nodded back and kissed him. "If it hurts to much or anything else, tell me to stop." He nodded to me. I went to lick my finger but he took my hand and began to suck on my finger. Then two. After making sure my fingers were fully covered in saliva I propped him and gently pressed against him. He began to shudder as I gently pushed in feeling him out. As I got one in he shuddered as I pressed it in. Feeling him out a little more I gently began to pry him and push the other finger in.  
"Ahh!", he shuddered. I could feel him, the heat coming off of him. And from inside. He was so hot, I wanted to feel it too. I pushed up on him our erections rubbing together. I leaned in carefully to kiss him.  
"You ready?", I asked again. He nodded. "Ok, and remember tell me if it starts to hurt or anything." he nodded again. I kissed his lips gently and he bit my bottom lip playfully though he was still in somewhat shock of what was entering him. I carefully removed my fingers and before I could go to push in Bam stopped me a moment. I thought he was beginning to back out but he carefully leaned up and licked my manhood. Then sucked and deep throated getting it extra wet of his saliva lubricant. I moaned leaning my head back a moment and he pulled away propping himself the way he was before. I got up and carefully spread him and gently pushed in. As I began to get farther in he was taking deep shuddering breaths.  
He was so hot inside the sensation almost made me go ballistic. It felt so good, the heat from inside him. As I got all the way in I started to gently move slowly in and out. Bam was gently going with the movements. Getting used to it I started to go a little faster with my pace. I went only in a few increments at a time with the change of speed. Bam during the time looked too cute, his face hot and sweaty looking so shy and like a little boy. His arms wrapped around my neck to help keep the leverage of the angle held. I leaned in and kissed him.  
"I'm about to change to a faster pace.", I said. He nodded.  
"Please, don't tease me like this.", he said. I was shocked and almost stopped. He thought that was teasing. I decided to get a little dirty.  
"Awlz my little boy embarrassed?", he looked at me almost mad then looked away his face getting a little red in the light. I leaned in and breathed hard yet slow down his ear and neck. "How bad?" My voice was deep and husky from so far. I looked from the corner of my eye, his face in ecstasy he gently bit my ear and neck.  
"So fucking bad!", he went on. My pace quickened a little more and then I stopped. "Why are you stopping!" he was upset. I gently pulled out and grabbed him. I quickly pulled him up and turned him to face the other way and pushed him on all fours. I gently pushed in and went at it again. "Ahh Fuck!" he went on. I gently pulled him up so his back was leaning on my chest. His arms reached upward around to the back of my head.  
"Hows that feel?", I asked him. He moaned loudly then moaned my name.  
"Ahhh Mmmm, Ohh Fuck Ville!" I smiled at my success. I kissed and nibbled the nape of his neck while going, and pushed my hand down to his manhood grasping him. "Oh god Ville!" he went on. He fell forward and I went on stroking him. I kept my pace. "Ville Faster!" he called. I listened and went faster on both ends. He kept moaning while I kept on at it. He asked me to go faster, I went faster. He asked for harder, I went harder. We kept going till I decided for another position. I slowed my pace again and pulled out. I laid down and placed Bam on top of me. Gently pushing him down onto me, I entered him and gently pushed him up as he came down. He looked too cute in this position.  
I grasped him again, stroking him as we went on. He quickly got used to being on top and rode me like no-one else had ever done. I went as much as I could with him on top. Stroking him fast and pumping as fast as I could. After awhile of this one he asked if we could do the last one we were doing. I kissed him and we switched. I pushed in, easier now that he was used to it. And went at it. I quickened the pace stroking him still. He lifted up his hands at the back of my head again as I went. He moaned like no ones business.  
"I'm about to cum!", he shouted.  
"So am I!", I called back.

"Faster! Ville faster!", he called. I went at it.  
"Oooh Fuck!" I orgasmed just when he did.  
"Ahh!", he called. I filled him as he covered my sheets. Still Cuming, our bodies trembled. He moaned at the sensation filling him. I moaned at the sensations all together. After we both finished, we collapsed next to each other. Our bodies sweating and trembling still. We needed a shower and I needed to wash my sheets.  
A couple weeks later:

Bam's POV:  
I just got home from Finland relaxing and making a ruckus with the guys who had missed me. I never told anyone about why I was in Finland so long, nor about Ville and myself. Though it was never made official, we did have sex a few times. The second time instead of me getting it, Ville did. And it went back and forth like that the next few times. The only person who knew was Dunn but that was because he saw the glow I had when I got back. I thought it was a half dimmed glow because, truthfully I was more scared.  
"So you guys finally did it.", he didn't even ask it. I was embarrassed he said that. Though no one was around I was still embarrassed.  
"Uhmm, how did you know?", I asked.  
"Dude ever since you got home you've been fucking glowing like a damned light!", he said sarcastically sipping his beer. "But no really man I'm serious. I'm happy for you two." Now I was confused.  
"Wait what?", I asked. He started to whisper.  
"You guys are together now. Right?", he asked. I shook my head.  
"No, neither of us asked.", I said.

"WHY THE FUCK NOT!", he yelled.

"SHHH why don'tcha!", I said.  
"Don't worry everyone's outside.", he said. It was still embarrassing to talk about. "So why don't you both just make it official? I mean you guys have been in love with each other for years and neither of you knew that the other was till just recently!" he made a point.  
"I don't know, I guess I'm just scared.", I said.  
"Why?"

"Because, I don't want to lose my image, nor do I want to be called a fucking homo. And I don't want to have problems with people who already get on my fucking nerves.", I said. He nodded.  
"Dude, really being it's you, I wouldn't have thought you cared that much? I mean with your attitude I thought you wouldn't care what others would think."  
"I don't but, I don't know. Something just scares me about it.", I said. Dunn just shrugged it off and we went on with our day not talking about it again. Later in the day we went out and made a mess of things in town. Fucking with Vito at Antonio's. Then to Apes work and a mural painting on the driveway with chalk so we wouldn't get bitched at of a rainbow shooting to Osama Bin Laden at the end with a Camel and a Bomb on it. Sweetheart always gets those things done fast. After some more ruckus in town we ended our day at the bar. We pulled up at Rexx's. Franz behind me as we got out of the Hummer along with the others who were in the Hummer. The others came in the Mercedes.

As we entered we ordered drinks and got drunk and that night for the first time in almost 3 months I went home with a girl under my arm. Did I regret it? Only a little. Did anything more happen? No not really. Just one more to add to the list to say I fucked them. But after a few days and going to the bar I finally found a girl to keep under my arm for awhile. Samii, beautiful, long brown hair, similar style as mine, and didn't mind my antics and wasn't clingy. Not that Ville was, I was sort of clingy to him. But anyways! So we started dating.

"Hey Bam! Who is this?", she asked looking at the few pictures of people in my Office/Radio/Recording editing room.  
"Which one?", I asked looking up to the pictures. She pointed to the one of Ville and I.  
"There's so many pictures of you and him up here.", she turned smiling.  
"Oh!", I almost wanted to lie. _"But she doesn't know about that! So why should I!" _"Oh him! Yeah that's the singer of the band HIM. Ville Valo. Uhmm not too long ago I was actually visiting him and the band in Finland. I even helped him move into his new home."  
"Ohh! Really!", she was excited to hear. "He looks so different from the picture over top the fire place!"  
"Ohh!", I laughed at myself. "Yeah!, That picture was from like way back. From their second studio album. These were from over the years after that." I pointed to the pictures.  
"So how long have you known them?", she asked.  
"Well, I got into them in May of 2000 when Dunn and I traveled to Finland for a skate Demo. Well later on in 03 I had some time so I traveled Europe a few days to their shows. My now Ex pretty much introduced us. Not like she knew them but, she had more balls then I did and knocked on the backstage door. And the rest is pretty much history. Ville and I are best friends as well as myself and the rest of the band." I knew I was probably going to crush Ville when he found out about my new relationship. I knew it was going to hurt for the both of us. He would get upset, and I'd lose him... Maybe. And that in my mind would be the only thing that could probably kill me. Losing him, along with my heart.


	4. Part 4: Lose You Tonight

Razorblade Kiss

A Ville Valo Bam Margera Love Story

*Lose You Tonight*

Ville's POV:

I had just gotten off the phone with Dunn letting him know that I'd be in town. Bam had left his cell at home when I tried calling him. It had been almost 3 months sense I saw him. The guys and myself were thrown on a tour schedule out of the blue and had to travel from Germany to London in 3 months time. Next the band and I would be going through the East Coast of America going from Philadelphia south then back north and then across to the west. I was going to fly in first and surprise him but I decided that being he would allow the band and I to stay at his Castle I would call. When I had gotten off the phone with Dunn something sounded different in his voice.

I was sad that Bam hadn't called me during the 3 months or even replied to my texts. But I let the texts slide being not all the time they would reach the destination. I got on the plane after the phone call and hoped that Bam wouldn't mind. Normally he wouldn't. I mean, before we would almost be doing everything together, sharing and what not, would he change his mind now that everything was out between us? The only way to find that out is when I get there.

The plane ride wasn't bad. I landed in JFK Airport to a taxi already set to take me to Bams. A good friend of mine who normally always drove out of the way to get me where I needed in America. The car ride wasn't bad. We caught up and listened to music on our way. As we made it to Bams it was still light out, just almost dusk. I paid Timo more than the amount owed for his work and got out. He pulled out the driveway and I walked up to the door. I stood waiting for someone to answer. A girl who I didn't know answered and she looked at me.

"Oh you must be one of Bams friends! He said he'd be right back if you got here.", she said and let me in.  
"Uhhmm is Dunn here?", I asked. She nodded and went to get him. He appeared moments later.  
"Ville!", he called, "Uhmmm so, how have you been?" He seemed uneasy.

"Fine, just a little worried.", I said. "You seem like something is wrong." His face wasn't exactly what I'd been hoping. He left my bags at the door and told me to follow him. We went down into the Pirate Bar and out the back door where no one would see nor hear us talking.

"Uhmmm Ville, I don't think you want to see Bam after I tell you this..", he paused a moment facing the other way.

"What do you mean?", I asked almost giggling, more scared then happy. I was trying to cover my fear of what he was just about to tell me.

"Uhmm, the girl who answered the door, she isn't just a random girl. Bam has been with her for almost 3 months now." As he said that my heart sank more than anything. I knew it was coming. "When Bam came back from Finland visiting you and the guys, he never really talked about it. He just kept quiet but, he was glowing like a fucking lamp! I had thought maybe you were together but, he told me you guys never really made it official." And he was right, neither of us did! He continued.

"I know you guys did it. Though he didn't tell me I know. He told me he was more scared of you guys dating because of his image and what not, and other stuff. I know I can tell he is scared of the feelings he was finally able to show and express but, something in him at the same time doesn't want it yet." I was upset and scared and more then mad, pissed off more as it. I had tears in my eyes as Dunn told me the story on how him and Samii met. She seemed a nice girl, but I was bey0nd jealous. She had the man I wanted, the man I Loved!  
"Dunn, thank you. And don't tell Bam I was here. I don't even want to say hello to him. I don't want to even see him. I'm going to a hotel.", I walked away my eyes stinging from the tears. I pulled out my cell phone and called my friend to come pick me up and take me to the hotel. He was there in minutes. I got in the taxi and left. As we made it onto the road I saw as we were driving back to town Bams lambo knowing his crazy driving. I just started bawling my eyes out.

Dunn's POV:

After seeing Ville so hurt like that I almost wanted to stop him and console him, but he would've pushed me away. I had to go tell Samii not to tell Bam that Ville showed up. I wanted to keep that promise to Ville because I knew how he was feeling. I knew that feeling all too well. I knew he would want to be alone to let it all out first before anything. I texted him to call me later to meet up and talk. I wanted to be there when he needed it. Especially from the shit Bam had just pulled, I didn't want to lose a friend because of him. I got a text back from Ville saying he would call me tomorrow when he knew the guys would be landing in JFK. I would go with him to pick them up.

After the texting I went and found Samii.

"Hey Sam! I need to talk to you!" I said. I was leaning on the banister leading down to the Pirate Bar. She walked over to me from the couch.

"Yeah?", she asked. I looked at her.  
"When Bam gets here, don't tell him that Ville was here!" I said.

"THAT WAS VI-!" I stopped her.

"Yes and DON'T TELL BAM HE WAS HERE!" I whispered loudly. "I promised him I wouldn't tell Bam he came here." She nodded.

"But why? I mean if they are friends.." she stopped.  
"You wouldn't understand if I tried to explain it, j-just don't tell Bam alright!" I was stern. She nodded and left it be. A few moments later Bam walked through the door. She kept her word and didn't say a thing. Though I knew she would sooner or later.  
Later that night the guys decided to go out and party. For once I decided to sit at home and do nothing. I texted Ville and asked him if he wanted some company and to at least try and talk about what was on his mind. He let me know what hotel he was at and I drove over right away. I grabbed a change of clothes and left a note for Bam so he didn't get suspicious about anything. As I pulled up and parked in a space I walked in.  
"Uhm I'm Ryan Dunn a friend of Mr. Valo. He told me he was staying at this hotel. Would you mind telling me which room he is in please?" I asked. The woman at the desk looked skeptical. I mean understandable when a random guy looking like he just woke up and hasn't showered in days just walked in acting like he owned the place. She didn't answer. "Look ma'am I have a text right here from him telling me this is where he was staying." She still wasn't talking. "Alright not that it's any of your business he really needs a friend right now. You can call his fucking room and ask him if he knows me! Now do you want me to make a scene?" I was getting more then aggravated.

"Ok sir I'm sorry, but as you just walked in here acting as sketchy as you look do you expect me to believe you. I will call just in case and let him know you are here and if he says it's ok I'll give you a room key."

"Thank you!" "_God damned snooty assholes, I mean yeah I can understand where you are coming from but geeze, I'm an upstanding guy... Who just so happens to have a friend who is an asshole."_

"Hello Mr. Valo a Ryan Dunn is here. Oh he is. You did. Alright I'll send him up." she hung up the phone. She typed something into the computer then handed me a room key. 'He's on floor five room 321."

"Thank you." I said taking the key and went to the elevator. I hit the floor 5 button waiting for the stop. As it came to floor five I walked up the long hall realizing the last room was a suite. I used the room key and went in. I walked into the living room area to see him sitting on the couch his knees to his chest. He was crying. He looked to me and wept his nose and sat up and tried to breath. I sat down and grabbed him into a consoling hug. "Shh it'll be ok." I said soothingly. "It'll all shine through soon." I said as he wept into my chest.

"I d-d-don't understand it. Everything was going so well.", He wept. "I mean yeah he did start acting nervous about it b-but, I thought he would at least wait for me." I held onto him patting his hair.  
"I know, I know.", I said still trying to figure out what to say to him.  
"B-bam knows I d-didn't come over right?', he asked. I nodded.  
"I did what you asked me. I told Samii that you were Ville and that she couldn't tell Bam she saw you. I don't think she'll tell him." He nodded.

"S-s-she's a lucky girl." he stuttered a little again. I didn't say anything. He started to cry harder then before. just letting it all out. He got up and started punching the pillows. I told him he could use me but of course, he wouldn't. I wish I knew what would help him. I almost thought of kissing him. But I knew I couldn't.  
He would've ended up smacking me. And it's not like I have a thing for Ville, I mean, he is atractive, sweet, and very passionate. And personally I'd kill to have anyone who was that determined and... And... Compassionate about someone. Ville is in love, and the man he loves is terrified. After watching Ville almost break his hand I got up and grabbed ahold of him. This time I wasn't thinking of my actions.

I grabbed him and turned him to me. And without thinking it over I kissed him. He paniced pushing me away, fighting me. When finally our lips were torn away from one anothers, he punched me in the face. Not a bad hit, it was already leaving a bruise.  
"RYAN ARE YOU INSANE!" he yelled. I rubbed my face.

"How's your hand?", I asked ignoring his yell. He seemed to notice me change the question but checked his hand anyways.  
"It'll be fine.", he said shakeing it slightly.  
"Try and move it.", I said. He moved his fingers. They seemed fine just a bit stiff. "Ok good we don't need to run to the hospital at all." He giggled. I grabbed him and took him to the bathroom to get something to wrap his hand in. Just in case something was broken. It was silent for awhile till Ville spoke, killing the silence.  
"But seriously... Why did you kiss me?", he seemed upset still. Really I didn't know. I shrugged.  
"Not sure, I knew you wouldn't listen to me. So I though of one thing that might stop you.", I said. He nodded. But for some reason I wanted to feel his lips again. Though I knew Bam and Ville had been in love sense I can remember. For some reason I felt like I was too. Ville and I had shared countless conversations. Stories about one another and crazy shit that had happened with Bam. I knew Bam like a book but at the same time so did Ville. Which for awhile made me jelouse.

This man knew more about my best friend, more then me. The one who always saved his ass when needed, the one who he grew up with most of his life. But this man seemed to open him up more. I was jelouse but at the same time I wasn't. I just assumed maybe, I figured out why Bam had fallen for him. But at the same time I still couldn't understand why he couldn't just cope with the fact he is in love with this man and just be with him. Especially when he couldn't deal with me being in love with him at one point. I just gave up alltogether on him.  
Then this man comes into his life, and he's able to. Bam could never keep anything from me, at least that I knew of. And then Ville would tell me all of these stories, not even I was told. I could understand, he was easy to open up to. And I could finally understand why. Looking at Ville stand there looking out the sliding glass door after wrapping his hand. He was a closed person for a long time of his life. Then this rockstar lifestyle comes along and kind of opens him from his shell. Not everything is told in the tabloids though. Not everything fully said in Interveiws. But to Bam, he could tell everything. Then he met me and he knew I was trusted as well.  
And thats when I realized, that was the thing Bam was looking for. Trust. But at the same time, compassion. Something no one can truely show. Not even myself. As I knew it stairing at Ville, I just got up. I walked over to him and he looked to me. He knew something was coming by the look in my eyes. All I could say was;  
"Sorry... But... I have to feel your lips again." I said and kissed him again. He fought at first, then just kissed back. I pulled him into an embrace deepening the kiss. He began to fight again, muffled words fighting my lips, and slow but surely running tears from his eyes. Then as we knew it there was banging on the door.

Bam's POV:

I had left the house for a bit, deciding to go on a drive. I knew Ville is probably trying to get ahold of me. One of the main reasons I left my cell phone at home. I will admit I miss him though. Sometimes when I got his texts, I almost answered, but decided not to out of fear. I hoped that he was alright. I hoped that he didn't find out, but at the same time I did. I was gone already for about 15 minutes. Deciding to go on for a bit longer. Deciding to stop by a store to get something before I returned home.

While stopping by the store, something felt odd. I don't know what it was but, I had a feeling. An odd feeling that I was going to find something out by the end of the night. Something I might react greatly to. What it was, I just couldn't put my finger on it. I bought a few bags of chips, a pack of smokes, a monster energy drink, and a rockstar, and left. I sat in the lambo for a few moments longer lighting my cigarette taking a hit off it before pulling out and finishing my drive. It seemed the only thing to really calm me.

I could barely concentrate on skating. Everytime I'd try and land a trick I'd fuck up. Even a simple kick-flip. I get so frustraited I just yell and scream. Even thinking about it... I just shake it from my head. I continue driving down the country road, deciding to be a jackass I start swerving around till I notice a taxi coming in the opposite direction. For a quick glance, I swore I could've saw Ville. And his friend who normally drives him to my house, Timo. I shook it from my thought. "_Maybe I'm just seeing things." _I thought. Not really quite sure if it was just me or someone who looked like Timo.

Then again I was driving 75 miles an hour down a 45 mile per hour road. As I neared my house, I slowed down entering the driveway. I got out of the car grabbing the bag of chips and went inside. Everything seemed normal but there was a scent that I hadn't smelled in awhile. I don't know what it was but it was so familliar, and inviting. I shook it off before I went on trying to figure out where it came from. The guys and I went on with our day. Samii of course was with me the whole time. Though she was acting a little weird I didn't think anything of it. Dunn wasn't anywhere and when I did see him he walked out of his room or out back.

Was something wrong? I almost went to ask him till;

"Hey Bam Bam, Let's go to the bar!", Novak suggested.  
"Yeah Bam, I wanna go drink, let's go to the Note!", Seth suggested. I looked to them and nodded.  
"Yeah sure, let's go get ready.", I said and got up. Samii followed along grabbing her jacket. Dunn was out back smoking a cigarette at the time. I went and asked him if he'd like to come.  
"Nahh man. Not really in the mood today.", he said.  
"Ya sure?", I asked. He nodded. "Alright, you need anything call me. And if you're going home leave a mess- Leave a note cuz I wont check my phone." I said he nodded and I walked back inside to the front where everyone was waiting. While walking through, that scent that still lingered hit me again. I stopped a few moments at the door where it was the strongest.

"HEY BAM! COMMON!", Fanna yelled. I looked out to them and nodded shutting the door behind me.

A Few Hours Later:  
We had been at the bar for a few hours now, Samii and her friends did some Karaoke, and bet Fanna that he wouldn't take his shirt off and show off his Finland tattoo from 2 years ago. He did after 3 Jameson's, and even tried a bit of Karaoke himself. Thank god Frantz was there already and had his camera in his car. We shot some awesome footage then began bar hopping. We were at the Note first, my Bar that I opened up a few years back. After there we left and I left the second head manager in charge and to close for the night, being it was his night to close anyways. We headed to Duffers and chilled out there making a muck of things as well. I noticed that I was barely drinking myself. I only had 2 beers at the Note. When normally its hard Liquor.

I only had a Bruski when we came to Duffers. The later to top the night off at Rexx's I only had 1 shot of whiskey, and another bruski. I drove home too barely drunk. Then for some reason Ville came to mind. Remembering his scent. And thats when it hit me. That scent, it was so familliar. I don't know what it was but it was so close to resembling Ville's. Cigarrets, colonge, and rose shampoo/conditioner. I tried fighting the urge of pointing that scent to him. I thought he was still touring through Europe. Then again I hadn't checked their tour dates for almost 3 months. Since the last time I saw him almost.

I started to get depressed because, I really did like Samii. But at the same time, my heart yearned... No NEEDED Ville. I got so confused thinking about it. The ruckus in the car wasn't helping neither. I almost yelled at all of them to shut the fuck up but we were already at the entrance gate to my castle. I pulled in Frantz following behind with the others. I parked and everyone piled out and into the house. I was the last to enter. And again as I shut the door, that scent still lingered. I got so confused and thought maybe it was my imagination. I walked through and down to the Pirate Bar to get some hard Alcohol and just go sit in my room and think. While I went down on the table Ryan left a note.

"Went home awhile after you guys left. Just letting you know so you don't get worried that their was a breakin or something. I'll be over tomorrow maybe, depending on what I have going on."

Dunn

I took it as something was wrong. I would've called but if he didn't want to talk to me about it earlier I wouldn't bother him now. I'd just let him come talk to me when he wants. I went and grabbed my whiskey and went upstairs. I went into my Office room and looked up some stuff on HIM. I took a swig waiting for their website to load. And I saw a few tour dates added for america. I clicked on them and saw that tomorrow night they had a show. I was a little hurt that Ville didn't tell me. Then I thought _"Wait, I left my phone home all day"_ and went and grabbed it. I checked and got nothing, no texts or calls.

I was a little sad. I really missed his voice. I wanted to hear his voice, saying my name and... I shook my head alltogether.

"Fuck.." I cursed quietly. "I'm tearing myself up over this... It's better to be like this... Right?" I said quietly to myself not sure if it was. I took another good swig and grabbed my cigarettes and walked out front. And as I did that scent again washing over me. That's when I realized earlier when I came home, Samii was acting weird. Dunn wouldn't talk to me. And everyone was distant. I lit my cigarette and walked back to the living room. Samii was laughing about Fanna and Frantz was getting in good with one of her friends. I wanted to know, just what the fuck was really going on.  
"Samii, babe come here.", I called taking a drag. She walked over.

"Yeah?", she said. I kind of felt bad that I was doing this. She did drink alot and when she does she doesn't tell a lie.  
"While I was out for my drive did anyone stop by?" I asked. She looked at me a moment. I thought maybe not till she started to say;

"Ohh yeahh! Uhmm I think Ryan said his name was Ville. YEAH! Ville stopped by. He asked for Ryan, they talked a few moments and about 5 minutes before you got home he left in such a hurry. Then Ryan told me not to-... Oh shit.." she looked mortified. I gave her the look of "ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS!" I was so pissed off I just rushed out of there. "Babe! Baby wait! Please!" she called. I ignored her and just went outside. The keys to my lambo still in my hand. I luckily had my cellphone in my pocket.

I got into my lambo and started it up and pulled out of there leaving skid marks on the pavement. I sped down my driveway and on the main road. I entered Ryan Dunn's number and set it to find his location. I got his location and he wasn't home. Oh no he was at a hotel. The one Ville always stayed at when he couldn't get ahold of me or knew I was out of town. I got even more pissed off. I tried calling Ville's cellphone but it seemed to be off. I sped off going from 75 to 125 within seconds. As I made it out of the country side and into town, I slowed down a bit still going more then the speed limit. Making it to the hotel within minutes. I walked in and to the clerk.  
"What room is Ville Valo in!", I almost yelled. She looked at me.  
"Oh! Mr. Margera! He must've called for you too! He is in room 321 on floor five.", she said. I nodded and knew that Ryan was definately there. I got into the elavator glad to be the only one in it. I was so pissed off and upset that, I almost ripped the box where the elavator music was comming from. As it stopped on floor five I ran all the way up the hall comming to the suite. I started banging on the door.  
"VILLE OPEN THE DOOR I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE! RYAN WHAT THE FUCK MAN!", I screamed. No one came for a moment. And I started banging again. Then the doorknob turned...

Ville's POV:

After Dunn patched my hand up, we went back out into the living room. I was pacing and then just stopped to look out the sliding glass door debating on going out for a smoke. Bam still in my mind, but smileing and happy with her. I almost started crying again. Just thinking of him with someone else hurt so bad if felt like my heart was slowing every second. Then out of the blue Ryan got up and walked over. I thought to give me a hug. No, it was different.

"Sorry... But... I have to feel your lips again." he said and just kissed me. I fought him at first, then just let him kiss me. Then he wrapped his arms around me deepening it. I started fighting him again. Muffled words from my mouth blocked by his lips. It didn't feel right.. The taste, the scent. Not at all. I had tears in my eyes wishing for it to stop. Then we heard banging at the door.

"VILLE OPEN THE DOOR I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE! RYAN WHAT THE FUCK MAN!" Bam screamed. I got so shocked I didn't move for a moment. He started banging again then Dunn ran and opened the door. I was already on my knees crying. The tears rushing down my face. My heart feeling like it was stopping, second by second, beat by beat. I felt as if I were slowly dying. Bam rushed over to me and grabbed me into a hug. I pushed him away crying harder.  
"B-b-b-bam I don't want y-y-you to t-touch m-me!" I sounded harsh. "After what I had found out today, I can't barely look at you. HOW COULD YOU!" I screamed. "I LOVE YOU! How Could You!" I went on. He looked as if he were just cut down. He began to cry himself.

"I'm so sorry Ville.. FUCK!", he screamed himself. For a split second I remembered. And I couldn't help but yell at Dunn.

"AND DUNN WHY THE FUCK DID YOU DO THAT!", I SCREAMED. He stood there in schock. "WHY DID YOU HAVE TO FUCKING KISS ME! WHEN YOU KNOW IT HURTS JUST TO THINK ALREADY THAT BAM IS WITH SOMEONE ELSE!"

Bam looked up tears still in his eyes. Hurt by the last thing I said but at the same time enraged about Dunn.  
"YOU DID WHAT!", he screamed. Bam got up and made it to Dunn so fast, I barely saw him. Dunn was against the wall by his throat. "YOU EVER FUCKING KISS HIM AGAIN AND YOUR LIPS WILL BE SEWN SHUT YOU GOT ME!" he screamed throwing him out of the room and shutting the door. He then looked to me. Tears rushing down his face. I didn't want to look at him. He came over to me falling to his knees crying.

"Ville... DAMN! I'm so sorry. I just...", he stopped.

"Got terrified, ran from how you truely feel? Tried to push it out and away from you?" I didn't ask. He just sat there quite. "Bam, as much as I love you, and it litterally kills me to say this but, get out.", I said. I was trying my hardest to not break down and jump on him. He looked at me.  
"Ville, I-", he stopped again. I tried not to look at him. He grabbed me and kissed me. That taste that could send me over the edge. That scent that I love and adore so much. I had to fight it. I smacked him tears streaming down my face. He looked at me petrified. He got pissed off. "FINE!" he got up and walked out slamming the door behind him. I just sat there crying. This time I didn't care who heard me. I cried and tore up the whole hotel room. That was the last time I had seen Bam for about 4 months.


	5. Part 5: You Are The One

Razorblade Kiss

A Ville Valo Bam Margera Love Story

*You Are The One*

Ville's POV:

It's been about four months since the incedent. I texted Ryan apologizing about what happened. He forgave me and said it was alright. I was under alot of emotional stress. Apparently Bam wasn't talking to him from what he told me. The guys and I had been on tour almost nonstop. Interveiws, and picutres for magazines and other propaganda. Daniel was working on his side project of Daniel Lioneye. I didn't want to be apart of it this time. He understood I needed a break and that I was still upset over Bam. I was back at home in Finland after our final show in San Diego, sitting in my art room just painting. One of the paintings was of Bam. It was a memory painted, painting.

I had woken up earlier on to shower. He was still asleep in bed when I got out. He looked so beautiful sleeping. Such an angel he was.. He wimpered slightly as he slept. I smiled thinking of the memory tears running down my face. I quickly wiped my eyes looking at the paiting. It was just as perfect as the memory. I carefully placed the canvas aside to dry and placed a new one onto the easle. This new painting was of all the emotions I was feeling. Everything I wanted to get out of me. As I finnished it, I heard the doorbell ring.

Bam's POV:

It's been four months since what had happened. I felt so bad about just walking out of there the way I did. The memory still fresh in my mind. I remembered walking out slamming the door. Just stopping a moment to hold my composure and wipe my face. Then I heard his rampage. I heard the lamp be smashed. I heard the glass hit the wall. His cries of pain, it hurt so bad to just hear it. I almost went back in but, I knew he wouldn't want me to be there. I sucked it up and walked out.

As I made it to my car, I just sat there at first. I started crying... Hard. My heart acheing. My mind at an array. Wanting Ville, to hold him. To feel his sweet lips on mine. To taste him, inhale his intoxicating scent. I was crying even harder because his scent was still on my shirt. I quickly took it off and threw it in the back. I wiped my face and started the car. I hightailed it out of there and drove around for a few hours before going home.

2:30 AM:

I parked my Lambo outside the house. The lights were still on. I saw Dunn's car parked outside. I was still so pissed off about what he did, I didn't want him in my house. First thing that came to mind was my paintball guns. I remembered they were still in my trunk from the last time I went paintballing. I was slightly intoxicated from stopping by the Note and taking a bottle of Jack Daniels, and Vodka out of the stash in the basement. Both bottles empty, somewhat intoxicated, I popped the trunk, grabbed my paintball gun and walked inside. I saw Dunn sitting on my couch. I shot at him and missed.

"Whoa! What the FUCK!" Frantz yelled.

"GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE!", I yelled, not at all careing that anyone was asleep.

"BAM! I CAME HERE TO APOLIGIZE! IF YOU COULD JUST LET ME EXPL-", I'd cut him off.

"I DON'T WANNA FUCKING HEAR IT! GET THE FUCK OUT OR THE NEXT ONE WILL HIT YOU IN THE FUCKING FACE!", I screamed. Novak who was in the room right in that hall walked out.

"What the FUCK Bam!", He called. I shot him in the knee. "OWW WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO!"

"JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GO BACK TO BED THIS HAS NOTHING TO CONCERN WITH YOU!", I yelled. He looked to my face though I wasn't looking at him, and knew to obey.  
"Ok ok." he said softly and crawled back into his room.

"Bam if you would just calm down please, we can all get this resolved." Frantz said.

"NO! I WANT HIM OUT OF MY FUCKING HOUSE NOW! I DON'T WANNA FUCKING HEAR WHAT HE HAS TO SAY!", I yelled. As I continued yelling I didn't notice Samii standing outside the bedroom door upstairs. "HE SHOULDN'T HAVE KISSED VILLE! IF HE DIDN'T FUCKING KISS HIM I WOULDN'T WANT TO FUCKING KILL HIM! IF HE DIDN'T KISS THAT MAN! THE MAN I LOVE WITH EVERYTHING I COULD POSSIBLY GIVE! HE WOULD STILL BE MY FRIEND!" Dunn stood there.

"Well ya know, if you weren't such a pussbag, maybe you'd still have him. Maybe just maybe if you weren't all about saving your fucking image, HE WOULDN'T BE HURTING MORE THEN YOU ARE NOW WOULD HE!" Dunn screamed. "YOU STARTED DATING SAMII WHEN YOU DAMN WELL KNEW HOW VILLE WOULD'VE TAKEN IT IF HE FOUND THE FUCK OUT! YOU HAVE NO ONE TO BLAME BUT YOURSELF!" He continued.

"SHUT UP! SHUT THE FUCK UP!" I began crying. I dropped the paintball gun and fell to my knees bawling my eyes out. "I KNOW I'M A FUCKING COWARD! I KNOW I'M AFRAID! BUT I STILL LOVE HIM MORE THAN ANYTHING ON THIS EARTH. MORE THEN MY OWN LIFE!" I went on.

"Yeah more then your life but not more than your "Image"... Bam he's been risking it all for you. He already knows the consiquence of wanting you. And he's willing to risk that. Because in his eyes he doesn't care about everything else. He only wants you!" Dunn said. I cried harder.

"Dunn, get out... Just get the fuck out... I don't want to hear it anymore. I don't want to see your fucking face. Just the memory, the fucking thought that you kissed Ville's lips, MY lips. You disgrace me as a friend." I said. Dunn didn't say anything. He just walked out. But before he did he turned around for everyone to hear. I didn't notice Samii and her friend standing by the door. They weren't standing outside it. Novak was sitting behind his door listening in, and Fanna was sitting on the couch still from when I walked in. Frantz still standing where he had stood.

"Bam, I have to say. I do find it funny, that you can sit there and say that you love him... And he indeed loves you back... But I find it so fucked up that, I know 3 of us, of your friends, 1 including myself, have admitted to you our love. And you denied it." he said telling the truth. "And it was always the same answer except to us, you didn't roll that way. But for Ville, you could. Now Bam who is the low mother fucker in the room!" And he walked out the door. Frantz during that time had his face down. He was one who had admitted to me he loved me. Novak, my Life Partner who I grew up with almost as long as Dunn even admitted he loved me. And Dunn, who came out to me first.

He was right, I was low. But, there was something different about Ville that drew me to him. His love and compassion, for everything he loved. For everything I did. He always worried when I did something stupid, not like the others didn't but, when he was with us, he always took care of me. I loved that from him. While sitting there Fanna got up and helped me to the couch. I cried myself to sleep, my mind all in dreams about Ville.

Frantz's POV:

Pirate Bar:

I walked down to Fanna who was still awake. Novak who couldn't get to sleep quietly came down to join us. We all sat at the fireplace just quiet for a few moments.

"I want you guys to know, something." Fanna said. I looked to him.

"What's that?" I asked taking a shot of the Jack Daniels that was in front of us.

"I saw Samii and her friend peek out of Bam's room. They heard the whole thing." he said. I looked up to him and so did Novak. "Novak obviously you did, you couldn't get back to sleep." He said having a good point.

"I wonder if we should tell Bam..." I though. Fanna shook his head.

"No, she should talk to him herself. It's only right. Right now she's all he's got, and I don't want him to not have her and just mope all fucking day to us." He said. "I'd rather her be around and him just not talk about it. At least with her around, we won't have to hear it and he can keep it off his mind." He had a good point.

"Yeah." I said taking another shot.

"Hmmm I wonder how Ville's doing.", Novak said. "I tried texting him but got no reply. I tried calling him but, it went strait to voicemail." I looked at him.

"When did you try to call him?" I asked.

"A little while after I went back into my room. It was during Bam and Dunn yelling at each other." he said. I nodded.

"Hmm well, we'll just have to see how far he can go. Till he can just finally fucking see, his image isn't everything. That that full picture, isn't about him and his image. It's about Ville." I said. They both nodded agreeing. There was a few moments silence till there was questions about where Seth went. I had told them he went home shortly after we got back from bar hopping. I mean understandable he had work to do in the morning...

Bam's POV:

3 Months Later:

I haven't heard from Dunn in almost 2 months. The guys were still talking to him. I didn't care, they could but I didn't want to hear it. Samii and I were doing fine. So far we'd travelled to California, hung out with the Eyes. Fucked around, went to a few concerts and then came back home.

Today was our 6th month anniversary. We hadn't had sex for 5 months. I know she was going to be counting on it but, I didn't know if I could. We went out for a good dinner, and on pourpous I ordered something just to get sick. I also drank alcohol that shouldn't have been mixed. Later after dinner when we came home. I felt neasous. I immediatly ran to the bathroom to puke. I was in there a good half hour before I passed out on the floor. She didn't expect a thing.

Later on I woke up and she was on the phone with her friend Crysta. I heard slightly what they were talking about.

"No we didn't.", she said. "No he got sick as soon as we walked in the door. I felt bad for him... Oh no no it's not that.. It's just, I think he's still upset about the whole Ville thing."

_"Wait... she knows about that?"_ I was a little scared. How much did she know! She continued.  
"I know I know, it's just. He seems so hell bent over it. I mean while we were in California, him and Jyrki were drinking and they ended up disapearing together. Jussi told me the room they were in and I went there to let Bam know his mom called. But when I made it there, he was crying to Jyrki about Ville.", she said. "I know he loves him. And I want to talk to him about it but, I just don't know how to... I'm thinking about doing it next month... Yeah, I mean Ville seems to mean alot to him. I just want Bam to be Happy."

That word, I haven't felt that in a long time. And I guess I wasn't making as much of an effort to seem happy, at least with her. I mean what I did to get sick was a pretty dick move but, still... I just couldn't have.

"Yeah well, I'll talk to you later. I'm going to check on him now, He passed out in the bathroom awhile before you called... Alright I'll talk to you later Crys... Alright bye bye." her cell phone clipped shut. I pretended to sleep. I heard her footsteps coming torwards the bathroom. She sat down next to me. "What am I going to do with you. You need to see, he is the one for you. Just go to him Bam... Go to him..." I fell asleep again. While asleep I dreamt of him. I dreamt of his face. His scent, his touch. Tasting him, feeling every bit of emotion that he felt, as he felt mine.

I dreamt that we were in Lapland, We were getting close to the base of the mountain. We were gonna hike up together and pitch tents. Watch the Auroras together. And maybe even during make love. I decided to propose to him. I looked deep into his eyes as he looked into mine crying out yes. I cried tears of joy glad to know he was mine. Then we made love under the moon and the stars and the ever changing coloured Auroras. Then I woke up.

I was still on the floor of the bathroom a blanket thrown over me. A pillow under my head. My blazer and button up shirt were folded on the sink above me. I carefully got up... Bad move. I stumbled and put the lid to the toilet down and sat there a moment. I looked on the sink and there were painkillers and water already there with a note. I almost got scared to what the note said. I took the painkillers and waited for them to take effect. Then I grabbed the note. it read.

Bam,

Went to the store to pick up something for your stomache. By the time you wake up I should already be home. Just come down to the kitchen.

Samii.

I was a little releaved. I sighed greatly and got up and walked down to the kitchen. And sure enough she was just finnished making soup.

""Oh! you're finally awake!" She smiled. "Here sit and eat this, your stomach should feel alot better." I nodded and sat down. It was chicken noodle soup. Smelled good. It was home made. I knew Ape loved her when she first met her. And this was the reason. But even my mother knew well enough, I wasn't happy with her. My mother knew me all too well. She even told me I should go apoligize and beg forgiveness. But, fear. The fear of being pushed away again. Of being rejected. That's what stopped me.

I finished eating, as did the rest of the guys when they all came down. We went on with our day. Just raising hell pretty much wherever we went. But I wasn't even putting my 110% that I normally did, and everyone seemed to notice.

"Bam, can I talk to you in private?" Frantz asked. I looked over to him nodding and followed in a few feet away from the area we were gonna film in. Little did I know, Samii was filming the whole conversation. "Bam, look. I know you're still bummed out about everything that happened with Ville. And I know you and April already talked about it. And I agree with her."

"Frantz... It's not as easy as you think." I said.

"Bam, you can't keep fearing rejection. You need to fight for him. You need to prove to him he's worth it. And right now, your bitching and emotions... Yes I can see them. It's effecting your commitment to your other love. To make people laugh. It's effecting Samii too. I think she knows that there's someone else but, just can't pinpoint who." Even though I knew she already knew.

"Look all I'm trying to say is, I think you should just think about it. Then talk to Samii, tell her how you really feel and go find him. Fight for him. And make sure you don't let go. Look Bam, I know it's hard for you to hear, but also remember it's hard for me to say myself. You know it's hard for Novak, and even Dunn. And Dunn who you've grown up with, was the first to tell you how he truely felt.

"Then Novak just about 2 years ago. Then me, about a year in a half ago. We all hurt, because of that rejection. But we never moped. We stood by your side and fought to keep you here with us. We love you Bam, we do. Even Dunn who you won't talk to. We understand, though not fully, we understand that Ville to you is the most precious thing. That you would even turn us down. Because ever sence you got into them, and Bam it was pretty obvious that one day during the making of Buried Alive By Love, that since 2000 you have been in Love.

"But it took till 2003 to meet them, and it took till just a few months ago for you to admit it." And he was right again. I did turn down Dunn. But that was because he is more like my brother. I mean we've kissed randomly, while drunk, and sober. Novak, I did think at one point I loved him but, I couldn't take that he had stolen from me and pawned my shit for drugs. And now, he just get's paid to fuck around he doesn't need to anymore. I'm just happy it's all pretty much stopped for him and that he's been clean.

Then Frantz. The guy who gave up being one of the best known filmmakers to film for me, became my best friend and still ended up getting famous on screen and behind the camera. Had told me one drunked night while he was bitching about Jerzey his ex. I've even kissed him, and Novak. But the day I met Ville, it was so different. And that's when I knew he was indeed that one person, that I wanted, no... No... Needed. And here I am now, hearing all of these truths. Because I'm afraid of rejection. And most of all never having Ville in my arms.

"Bam, just try and give it your all today, And the next few days just think about this conversation alright." he asked. I nodded. "Good. Now lets get back to work huh?" he tapped my shoulder smileing. I grinned back. Realizing I what I had to do. I smiled back.

"Yeah." He wrapped his arm around me and we went back to work. He was right. I needed to just forget it. My image and rep. is less important then the man I love. And though I was still worried about it, I decided to not talk to Samii yet. I still had no way of bringing it up. I would hopefully talk to her by next month. I just hope I know what to say by then.

Ville's POV:

I got up and went to see who it was. I opened the door and it was Gas and his baby girl.

"Hey Ville! Hows break going for you?" he asked. I invited him in.

"Ok I guess. Just relaxing and trying to keep my mind off things." I said. He looked to me and immediatly knew.

"Ville, you haven't even tried to talk to him. And I know he hasn't to you but, just wait a little more. I'm sure he'll come to his sences soon. From what I heard, Mige was talking to Novak the other day actually. Novak said that, one night while... She wasn't there, he had heard Bam crying. When he checked he was asleep. And all he heard come out of his mouth was your name." My head shot up. My eyes were wide. I looked down again. He continued.

"And from what I was told, Bam and Frantz talked. And even April said he should be with you." I grinned at that. April was a very special woman in her own ways. I even pictured her and my mother becoming best of friends. laughing and planning dinners together. Phil and my father, well they both have a fasination of Elvis. That was one thing I could see them talk about for hours. I could see Gas had taken notice to my daydreams. "Ville, you still there?" he smiled. I giggled a tear sliding down my face.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I whiped my cheek. "Thank you Gas. I guess I needed that." whatever it was. He giggled.

"Here Lara wants to see her uncle." he giggled again. And as I looked up she was reaching torwards me. I smiled and took her in my arms. She looked up to me with her pretty little eyes and reached out a hand to my cheek. Gently she placed it on my cheek and smiled. I was in awe. "Awee, she loves her uncle." he smiled. I carefully took her little hand in mine.

"Would you like uncle Ville to sing you to sleep?" I asked. She smiled even wider.

"Damn! I should've brought my camera!" Gas laughed. I could only nod and agree. I thought a moment a song to sing. That's when You Are The One popped into my head.

"No I won't surrender, At any cost. You're something so sweet and tender, From my heart. Yes I've done my evil. I've done my go-od. A-just believe me honey, I won't let go of you. Yo-ou Are the One, And theres no-o regrets at all." I sang. I sang a little while longer, her grip on my finger began to loosen and she was gently sleeping in my arms. I looked up at Gas who was only smiling. He carefully took her back and placed her in her carrier. We sat and talked a few moments longer then he was on his way. I hugged him goodbye and gave Lara a kiss on her forehead.

Gas was walking out my gates and I waved to him till I could see him no more. I walked back inside and to my art room. Continuing with my painting. Though it was full of such emotion, I didn't see happiness, nor love. And though I was still upset about everything, and waiting. I decided to paint them in there as well. During this time, I heard the bell ring again, a few times. Then a banging at the door. And a voice that I'd hadn't expected to hear from.


End file.
